Romance Isn’t Always Perfect
As mentioned in the previous post, each week I will be publishing a blog article addressing the theme of Now’s the Time. For the next three months, the focus will be on Letting Go, so in April we will begin our journey looking at how we can let go of perfection in our relationships.
Let’s start by putting this into context.
Do I have any Gilmore Girl fans? In the seventh season, Lane comes back from her honeymoon feeling ill and disillusioned by the act of sex. Do you remember how she described to Rory what happened? Lane said that she and Zack wanted their “first time” to be romantic, so they went to the beach to recreate the From Here to Eternity love scene.
She then proceeded to share how the sand was cold, there were crabs in the sand, some guy with a snorkel mask was watching them and that basically sand and sex don’t mix. The experience was so horrible that she thought there was a conspiracy among women to hide the truth about sex and that she could live the rest of her life without ever having sex again.
What Lane and Zack were trying to create was for the epitome of romantic experiences to occur.
What we learn from this though, is that romance isn’t always perfect or ideal. Many times, women (most especially), believe that when they meet “the One” they will hear bells and whistles, that when they receive their proposal there will be violins playing in the background or that when it’s their birthday they will receive that perfect piece of jewelry in the silver box with the burgundy ribbon.
Now, I don’t want you to think that I am sour on romance, because I appreciate a little romance as much as the next woman or man.
What I’d like to encourage you to do, is to let go of the perfection part. Even though your fiancé didn’t give you the most eye watering, “I can’t live a day without you” proposal doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you or isn’t romantic. Maybe he was so nervous he forgot how to speak. That’s another way to look at romance, isn’t it?
Romance looks, feels, tastes, smells, and sounds differently to everyone. Have you ever asked yourself what you consider to be romantic? I’m sure that thoughts have crossed your mind, but have you ever written them down? Have you ever shared with your partner what you consider to be romantic?
REMEMBER: The people in our lives can’t read our minds.
“Oh be still, my heart, they can’t?!” No, people cannot read our minds. Without taking the time to share what we want, need, or desire in a relationship our partner might fall extremely short of the perfect romantic encounter.
Your version of a romantic evening at home might consist of candles, chocolate covered strawberries and listening to some Bach or Pachelbel while your partner’s version might be a night at the movies to see Avengers. Or you might enjoy a walk through the fall leaves while your partner yearns for chocolate chip cookies and a night of video games. Or you were expecting a surprise visit to the local carnival and your partner was hoping for tickets to a demolition derby.
Bottom line, they don’t match up.
Now you might be thinking,
“but if I have to tell my partner what I find romantic, doesn’t that take the romance out of the experience?”
Not exactly. Have fun with the experience. You could each write down your favorite songs and discuss why you like them or relate to them. Or think of a scenario – grocery shopping at midnight – and try and come up with the best or most romantic (in your eyes) song for that scenario. My guess is this could lead to some mega laughter, you know the kind, where tears are rolling down your face and no sounds are coming out of your mouth?
Don’t take this activity too seriously.
This isn’t to be a marathon experience where you can’t get up until you each know every single thing that the other person finds romantic. But take the time, over time, to address each of the senses (see, hear, taste, touch, smell) and how you relate them to romance. Then the idea is to slowly weave them into your lives. These may not be perfect romantic exchanges when they occur but they will help feed both your romantic desires.
This just may be the little pick-me-up that your relationship needs right now.
How do you feel about bringing up the conversation of romance with your partner? Are you dreading it or excited about the possibilities?