The Perfect Partner, Is it a Myth?

Have you been dreaming about your perfect partner?  You know – the one that is tall, dark and handsome or slim, fair and sexy?  The one that gets a check for every item on your list; educated, handy person, high income earner, nice car, cleanly, etc…

Have you been telling yourself that your perfect partner will meet every single criterion on your list?

Maybe you envision that your perfect partner will love doing outdoor work, have the magic touch in the kitchen or have a fondness for household cleanliness.  I agree, many of those items sound golden and many could be considered perfectly reasonable expectations.

How many items do you have on your perfect partner list, though?  Five, 10, 20, 50+?  Do you even know?  If you haven’t written down what you’re looking for, I encourage you to do that right now.  You may be surprised at what does or doesn’t end up on your list.

Now, I want you to go through your list again, this time, identifying those that are “nice –to-have” and those that are “must-haves”.  At the bottom I also want you to include deal breakers that could not be tolerated – smoker, pet owner (and you have allergies), drinker (you’re actively working a 12 step program), snake aficionado, different religion, whatever you know would be absolutely impossible for you to live with.

I don’t want there to be more than 5 of these items on this list.  This isn’t a checklist for what your partner is not.  These are going to be items that go against your fundamental life values.

Now, I want you to think about, what if you meet someone that only has five of your six must-haves?  Will that throw him/her out of the running?  I hope not.  Is this a list that you share with this person on date one?  Absolutely not!

Am I asking you to settle for less than the best for you?  No, as well.  What I am hoping to accomplish is for you to have a better idea of what you are looking for in a partner.  How will this help you?  It could assist you in writing your profile for an online dating site.  It could provide some guidance to you as you describe to family and friends what you are looking for in case they know someone.

It could also help you let go of the superficial things that could be holding you back from meeting your perfect partner or loving the perfect partner that’s already in your life.

Wait a minute, did I just say perfect?  Yes.  You can have a perfect partner.  But this perfect partner may be a bit human and therefore, have some flaws.  You know the kind, leaving socks on the floor, toothpaste in the sink, forgetting to lock the door, leaving toe nail clippings on the bathroom rug and such.

Confused yet?

Sometimes we get confused when we hear the word “perfect”. 

We think perfect means that everything will be magical with our partner.  We’ll never have arguments, we’ll like all the same things (food, activities, tv shows, movies) and we’ll enjoy every moment we spend together.  I call this the constant companion syndrome and will be discussing it further in next week’s blog.  Belief in this idea can lead us astray as 99.9% of the time it’s an impossible reality and only occurs in fairy tales.

My idea of the “perfect partner” is someone that is perfect for you. 

You both may share similar values of education, work ethic, family life, spirituality and others.  However you each have your own interests, hobbies, activities, careers, even friends.  You both love each other for the person they are.  You understand that his/her nuances of drinking milk out of the cereal bowl, tripping over thin air, laughing loudly, or leaving shoes all over the house are what make him/her unique.  Maybe your partner wouldn’t win any beauty pageants, but knows how to calm you down when you’ve had a bad day at work.

By letting go of looking for a partner with perfect qualities, you just may find the partner that is perfect for you.  I think this quote says it all…

“When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.”

~ Robert Fulghum

Do you have some “perfect partner” qualities that you could let go of so you can be open to the partner that’s perfect for you?