Looking for your personal sidekick?
Dreaming of meeting the man of your dreams and all the fun you will have together? You can just see it… workouts at the gym, cooking classes, dance classes, tickets to the symphony together and more!
Or how about the woman of your dreams? Imagining backpacking in Europe, river rafting in the Grand Canyon, surfing off the shores of Hawaii, and season tickets to your alma mater’s football games all with your personal sidekick in tow?
Okay, so those may be a bit stereotyped, but you get the picture. Sometimes when we envision our ideal partner we dream about all the things we will do together and how blissful life will be from that point forward.
So where do we find this person?
To be honest, I don’t know where you might find this person or if they even exist.
As discussed in last week’s blog, I believe that there is a person that’s “perfect for you” out there. However, I don’t believe this will be a “perfect” person that you can identify as your BE ALL, END ALL partner.
I’ve identified this line of thought as the Constant Companion Syndrome.
When you find yourself believing that there is ONE person that will fulfill your every need, wish, desire, and more within your relationship, then you have constant companion syndrome.
Does someone you know have this problem?
Be honest with yourself, do you have this problem?
I want you to think for a moment of why this might be a dream or vision to let go of this month.
Why am I asking this of you?
Because, sometimes, you can meet this “perfect” person that enjoys ALL the same things you do and meets every item on our list, but it isn’t the person that’s “perfect” for you.
Are you missing out on a great catch waiting for that constant companion that can share every millisecond of your life with you? Think of how much pressure that might be for one person to feel like your very happiness is dependent on how much time they spend with you and what activities you complete together. You may be scaring people away with this expectation.
Just because someone looks and sounds good on paper, doesn’t mean that person will work out for you in real life.
Have you ever met that person? The one that meets every criterion on your “list” but you just don’t feel a connection with him/her. Or you feel uncomfortable and awkward and others think you’re being too picky? Trust your gut and let the relationship go.
On the other hand, if you can’t talk to your partner for three hours about your upcoming job interview and what you’re worried about, what you might wear, and figuring out the best possible answers to potential questions, is that a problem?
Maybe you have a close friend or parent that has experience in human resources, or is just plain helpful with interview techniques, should you ignore that person and only seek input from your partner?
It’s okay to have friends and family members meet different needs in your life. There may be a best co-worker that you enjoy gardening with, or your best friend to watch chick flicks with, or your favorite uncle to attend the college world series with. Yes, I want you to meet a wonderful person and have things in common with this person. However, also be mindful of all the wonderful people you already have in your life. Your partner will hopefully be a complement or icing on the cake as it comes to becoming a part of your life.
Make room in your life for more than ONE person.
Just because your partner won’t play golf with you or won’t sit and talk with you for hours on how to renovate the house doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t love you. Spend the afternoon apart participating in those activities with a friend and then spend the evening together doing an activity you enjoy such as cooking, watching movies, or playing cards.
Find activities you can enjoy with your partner as well as apart.
It’s okay to let go of the person, the relationship, and the dream of the constant companion. Be open and listen to your heart and spirit. You’ll find the person that’s “perfect” for you.
Please note: Although we can have different people in our lives to help us meet our needs, I am not suggesting for one member of a couple to go and seek out other romantic relationships, be they sexual, intellectual, etc.